Wednesday, October 7, 2009

For every problem there is a solution.

"You call me Boy Child on the internet, don't you?"

I was surprised by his question. He doesn't spend much time on the internet and when he does, it's certainly not looking at anything his mom writes. He looks at YouTube and Cartoon Network (which, at eleven, he still pronounces "neckwork"). Sometimes he looks at this hilarious animated thing with stick figures, one of which is named Carl. Carl likes to camp and the other stick figures are forever shouting, "Carl! No camping!" But I digress.

"Yes, I call you Boy Child on the internet."

"Why?" He's not angry or upset in asking this. It's genuine curiosity.

I explain to him that the world, unfortunately, isn't always a friendly place. That I don't reveal his name for his own safety and protection. That I value his privacy, even though he doesn't really even understand what that means yet. That sometimes, I talk about his farts and someday he might have a girlfriend and be REALLY EMBARRASSED by the fact that I talk about his farts.

"Everyone farts," he reminded me.

"I know."

"Even you mom."

"I know."

He ignored his math homework for a few minutes and then asked, "What will happen when I'm a grown-up?"

"What do you mean?"

"When I'm a grown-up, I won't be a boy. You can't call me Boy Child if I'm not a boy, right?"

I cannot bring myself to think of him not being a boy anymore than I can bring myself to think about a time that I might not be writing, so instead I say, "I'll just call you Man Child."

He seemed very pleased by that.

For a minute.

Then he asked, "Can't you just call me by my name when I'm eighteen? By then I'll be black belt and if anyone lays a hand on my privacy I can kick their ass."

It's a deal, Boy Child. It's a deal.


Unknown said...

I'll always refer to him as Boy Child. As in "I heart boy child" (in a non-stalkery way...)

herewegokids said...

Woo-hoo! I'll be stayin' FAR away from Boy/Man Child's privacy! :) As always, he rocks!

Kathy said...

Tough questions, good answers and a wonderfully simple compromise. If only a black belt could solve so many more things.

Allie said...

I would kill to be a fly on the wall in your house, I'd laugh all day long. :)

Anonymous said...

LOL love it!!!

diane rene said...

it should always be so simple, right?

Unknown said...

I just got caught up.

I am so glad that I can keep reading you.

You rock my socks off.

Thanks for a great start to a so-so day!

Christina Berry said...

He is really something, isn't he? And you should've reminded him that no matter how old he is, he'll always be your boy... so therefore, Boy Child will always be appropriate! :)

Jamie said...

Love it!

Watching our kids grow up and understand things is one of the true gifts of this life....

and oh-so-much-better if we can keep our sense of humor.

You are an amazing mother.

Just sayin'.


insomniac ellen said...

gotta say--I love Boy-child too. and I love my boy-child, who is almost 34 and a foot taller than me.

PaintedPromise said...

ok i don't say ROFL very often but Boy Child deserves it!!!

i also have to chuckle because i have a friend who calls her son "Man Cub"

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Personally? You just need to start calling him BadAss.