Tuesday, June 11, 2013


There are a lot of groups for mothers in my town. Lots of them.

It's a good thing. Moms need support. Moms needs friends. Sometimes? Moms need an adult to talk to before they rip their hair out. I've been there. I'm still there sometimes.

The groups for moms though? Yeah. They don't mean me.

They mean:

"Moms under 35 with Babies 5 and Under"
"Stay-at-home Moms"
"1st Time mommies over 40"
"Moms of young kids (5 and under)"
"Wee Play! Playgroups for infants and toddlers"
"The Real Housewives"
"Tots and Tykes"

These are all groups I found in my (somewhat) local area. Not a "Moms under 40 with teenagers at home who lay awake at night worrying about how they will pay for college for two kids at one time, despite working an obscene number of hours on a weekly basis" group among them.

I want a playgroup.

I don't understand why moms groups are only for people with infants and toddlers and "Babies 5 and under". I mean, true, you need that kind of support when your kids are younger. You still need it when they are teenagers too. Maybe you even need it more when they are teenagers. We're supposed to pretend that just because you have practice at this whole "mom" thing, that now that our kids are in high school we are experts. We don't need help. We don't need advice. We don't need anyone to commiserate about how we felt when our child bombed their Spanish final or fibbed about being on the computer at 4am.

Except we do. We need to feel like there are other people out there experiencing the same things. We need to not feel like the only people worried about college and dating and driving. Parenting did not end for me when my children entered kindergarten. In the past couple of years, it's become more difficult than it ever was when I had two infants who needed changed at the same time and no husband to help me pay my Discover card bill. That time of my life seems like a piece of cake compared to the teenage years.

I know it was my choice to have children young. I don't regret that, at all. I know that had I not given birth to my children when I did, I would have never had any children at all. I can't even stand that thought.

I just wish I didn't feel like I was on an island by myself. Sometimes I just wish that.


Lisa in NJ said...

Why not start a group or your own? I'm sure there are others like you in your area.

Misty said...


Especially since I just relocated, and all of my friends didn't want to move too. I checked localish groups and found similar results... Our kids are the same age- too bad we aren't local!

Jill said...

None of those groups even exist here.

perdido said...

yes!! start your own there are probably other people just like you who would love to find a group like that!!!

KT said...

I agree with you - mine are almost 13 and 10. The first year of middle school had me scratching my head alot and needing some advice. Are you friendly with any of their friends' parents? I found that talking to them was helpful to realize we were all asking the same questions and that the kids were all pretty much struggling with the same issues.

KT said...

I agree with you completely - mine are almost 13 and 10. This first year of middle school had me scratching my head many times. Are you friendly with any of your kids' friends moms? I found that talking with them helped, we were all asking the same questions and the kids were pretty much dealing with the same issues.

IsDihara said...

*whispering* With the technologies available today (Google Hangout, Skype...) perhaps a support group is still possible?

I would certainly join!

And BIG HUGS to you Miss Stephanie (as we say in Virginia) for I have found you again after missing your posts for a number of years.

Best of luck with your latest book! I love your writing and am crazy, squeeeee-fully happy to find you again.