Tuesday, April 19, 2016

That Twin Thing

It's been eighteen years and I still don't understand it.

They have this...thing. This bond. It's different than friends, different than brothers and sisters. It's kind of a combination of both, but not exactly that either. I can't describe it. I can't explain it. I've never felt it.

For them, it's undeniable.

I'm honest enough to admit I've been jealous of this thing they share. I guess sharing a womb bonds you in ways I can't understand. I've always longed for that kind of closeness with someone. I wish I could find that comfort. That peace.

It keeps surprising me. Even after all these years.

My daughter recently withheld information from her brother about dating and at first I was completely baffled by this. He wants to date and despite how absolutely hilarious, intelligent, and charming he is he's also very shy.

Well that's not it completely..he's also somewhat clueless. So many girls flirt with him all the time (right in front of me so I can't imagine what they are doing when I'm not around!) and he's oblivious. Completely. It's kind of hilarious.

His sister mentioned some of her friends think he's cute (because of course he is). Then she wouldn't tell him which ones think that.

At first she denied she even said it, even though we all totally heard her. My daughter is generally very honest and never one to balk at conversation.  I couldn't figure this out until she said, "Well, he doesn't need to date!" With every bit of  angry self-righteousness that an eighteen year-old can muster.

See...she doesn't want to date right now. She wants to focus on school and herself and writing and acting and all the other stuff she interested in (which mainly seems to be Pinterest, Harry Potter, and third-wave feminism). Which is totally fine, of course. I have literally no problem with who she is and in fact like most everything about her quite fine. Too many episodes of 16 and Pregnant are probably influencing my feelings, but I'd rather her be exactly the way she is because it makes me worry a lot less about a lot of things.

It's all good. Except...she somehow thinks they are just half of the same person. So if she doesn't want to date then clearly he doesn't either. And if he does, by God he shouldn't. Okay, and she's bossy she will be an excellent manager someday.

With quickness, I explained that um...NO. That is not the way it's going to be. She then decided that okay fine, he can date someone. As long as she likes them.

Yeah...no.

I told her it doesn't work that way. That dad's sister doesn't think much of me (and I'm putting that kindly) and dad thinks I'm the hotness and whose opinion did she think I gave a crap about? She said she'd never thought of that.

Clearly.

She's been thinking about the future though, about them not living in the same house and them having their own lives. It's been producing a lot of anxiety for her. Probably for him too, as he keeps talking about them getting an apartment together as though it's a obvious conclusion.

Maybe it is. Maybe it's a Twin Thing.

And God help anyone they do decide to date because...yeah. I am seeing more and more every day this will be challenging, to say the least. I've been hopeful for years that they can find another set of boy/girl twins to date. It would just be so much easier.

They would get it, I think. They would understand the bond. There wouldn't be any jealousy or weirdness. There would only be one set of in-laws. Everyone would totally get it.

Okay, maybe they would get it.




God, I hope someone gets it someday. Or at least is able to tolerate it.

3 comments:

Lynn said...

Ok, I'm a twin, an identical one at that, which is an even stronger bond I think. This "twin thing" lessens as you get older, go off to school, and have your own interests. The best parts are still there. They will still be best friends. As far as dating twins...no way would that EVER have worked for my sister and me! That would have been TOO much togetherness.

Jill said...

I was oblivious to people liking me in school.I probably would be now, too. She should help a brother out.

Stacy Gongloff said...

My in-laws have a set of twin's that live across the street from them. They bought the lots next to each other and build almost identical houses. So there is hope....although they didn't marry twins or even brothers, they still are with each other every day.