Sunday, September 24, 2017

Only the lonely

North Carolina is getting easier.

That sounds funny I guess. It's probably not the actual state itself that causes me to fret so much. The state is lovely. It's rare that you find a place that has mountains on one side and a beach on the other and lots of affordable housing and lovely people who call you "Mizz Stephanie" in a sweet little twang in-between. The sky is so big here. No mountains blocking the skyline in my part of the state, but they aren't so very far away.

The state isn't the problem, not really.

The problem is it's really hard to make friends as an adult. Or at least it's hard for someone like me who is prone to doing things like accidentally wearing her shirt backwards, loudly quoting from the various Teen Mom programs ("I like to wear heels to court. It makes me feel more classier"), and who can identify every single Brady Bunch episode within 1 minute of the opening credits. While I'm sure at least some of that is admirable on some planet, that planet is surely not North Carolina. I don't even like vinegar on my barbecue and I can't admit that or I'll probably get shot. I think you can open carry here or a lot of people eating at the Zaxby's just like to feel prepared in case someone decides that their need for a Zalad would cause them to shoot up the place. But whatever. I don't even know what's happening with that, I just stay away from people holding guns whilst eating at restaurants.


It's hard to make friends.

It's also hard to be in my early 40's and have kids in college. A lot of my friends are my age, but their kids are like, seven. Not that we don't have things in common, mind you. The Mom Thing is pretty universal. We all struggle.

Our struggles are different though, right now. Parenting adults is literally the most challenging thing I've ever done.

It's lonely, y'all. It's really very lonely.

My whole life feels so in-between. My parenting, my weight, even my job. I keep waiting for the next thing. I don't even know what the next thing is.

I feel so terribly, painfully unfinished lately. It's just hard.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

SAME SAME SAME!!!! This state I am in is not home, and no matter how I seem to try- the culture of this state and I just do not seem to click. I can befriend someone and then learn they are a transplant too. Then, they gypsy off on their way and I am back to square one. 41. Kids out of the house AND state. Traveling husband and my best friend becomes isolation... And it is FREAKING hard to make friends as adults! I belong to a small group at church that is lovely, but though our ages are close, our life stages could not be more different...