I don't know who I am anymore.
How many times have I said that over the years? I don't know. Hundreds? For sure. Thousands? Maybe.
Yet here I am again.
The loneliness is overwhelming sometimes. Oppressive. The last 18 months have genuinely been the hardest of my life. I don't say that lightly, and if you are a long-time reader you know I have been through some serious shit in my life. I won't rehash it all here, but it's a lot. A lot.
This year (emotionally) topped them all. In a bad, bad way.
I just want to feel okay. I just want a break. I just want someone to take care of me, just for a little while.There is so much responsibility in my life, every single day, and it's so exhausting. I don't know.
I just turned 46 and I am not who I was when I was 20. I am not who I was when I was 40. I'm not even who I was when I was 45.
Honestly? It's terrifying. I hate it.