Back to December

I wouldn't say I'm a Taylor Swift fan, but I like her music fine. I don't know much about her other than her mere existence seems to cause a lot of controversy. Honestly, the older I get the less I want to know about most people so I'm not really concerned about learning more about her. No offense to her, or anyone else. I'm just full of information. It's all too much.

I was searching for a cooldown song the other day because I needed a new one for one of my group fitness classes and I searched for the word "September". It seems like September is a popular month musically.  My Apple music offered up, "Back to December". September is decidedly not December, unless you live in Eastern North Carolina where the two temperatures are "Hell with Bugs" and "Slightly less Hell with Different Bugs". (I still love it here. I do)

 I thought I remembered liking the song, and I did. It went into the playlist as a stretch song.

 

I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand

 

It's a love song, I guess. More of a love lost long.

 

So this is me swallowin' my pride
Standin' in front of you sayin' I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you
Wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time

 

I don't have any lost loves. The "loves" I lost weren't loves at all and I don't miss anyone that I had a romantic relationship with. 

I do miss my brother though.

I saw his face for the last time in December 2021. 

 

I sometimes wish I could go back to that December.  

 

 I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright

 

I don't know if I could make it alright. I suspect I couldn't. 

 

But sometimes, I think...I just wish I had that chance.

I wish we could be kids again and do it all over. 

I wish he could have gotten the help he needed or accept the help he did get.

 

I sometimes wish I was never born, so he could have gotten more of whatever it was that would have kept him here. So the world could get to have more of whatever it was he had that made him so special.

 

None of this is useful. I know this.

 

Still. 

 

I didn't realize how important a brother was to me until I didn't have a brother anymore.

 

So if nothing else, I hope this makes you think about that and the people you love.  

 

We only have so many Decembers.