Thursday, November 5, 2009

Open Letters: Just-Cause-I-feel-like-it-edition!

Dear girl on the elliptical last night,

Okay. You have a nice body.

There. I said it. Now would you please, for the love of God and all that is Holy, stop turning around WHILE YOU ARE ON THE ELLIPTICAL to look at yourself (particularly your ass) in the mirror? Because you're going to hurt yourself and I'm not going to give you CPR. I'm just not.

You have a fine, fine ass. Okay? Just take my word for it. Don't try to look at yourself. Don't stare at yourself. You look like an idiot. Granted, an idiot with a fine ass. But still. Just stop.


Dear self,

Stop saying stupid crap and accidentally hurting people's feelings.


Dear children,

You are growing at an alarming rate. I know this is at least partially my fault as I feed you healthy foods and require you to do things such as exercise instead of watch television for eleven hours a day. I can't help it. It's sort of my thing.

However, I would like for you to slow down. Maybe just a bit. Because the next thing I know, I'm pretty sure you're going to be married and having kids of your own and I'm going to be old and bitter and miss you a lot. And I'd prefer a few more years with you before that happens.

Your mom

PS: Clean up your rooms. For the love of corndogs.

Dear Marriage,

I'll fight for you. You are worth it.



Unknown said...

For the love of corndogs, I hope you win that fight with your marriage.

FTR, for the love of corndogs is my favorite Chick-ism evah.

Nicole S. said...

That marriage IS worth it. I remember being there a couple of years into our marriage and it SUCKED. But knowing neither of us was going to leave during the SUCKAGE made me know it wouldn't suck forever...and it didn't. So...I hope you move on to less suckage soon.

P.S. Year 6 is the hardest of marriage and tends to be the make it or break it year according to research.

P.P.S. If ya'll want some support via therapy along the way, I know who is a whack job and who is not in our little town and who offers sliding scale services.

SJINCO said...

For the love of corndogs...


Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Dear Stephanie,
You are awesome.

Me :)

EE said...

I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who says stupid crap;)

Jamie said...

I am guilty of saying the wrong things, too.

My kids are grown (supposedly) and gone now, and hey - it's alright. But yes, enjoy every minute you have with them now. :)

I admire your strength to keep going to the gym. I think you're great, just so you know.

And that puppy up there? OMGosh, adorable.

Happy Friday, friend. Hugs.

Anonymous said...

OMG that woman must go to my old gym too!!!

Good luck!!!

"for the love of corndogs" tooo funny!!