Since I've been an adult, I should say, I never believed that a family HAS to be what you see on television or read about in books. I, in fact, never really felt that was the perfect way to do things, mostly because for the first five years I had the Boy and the Girl it wasn't that way for us. And it was pretty darn amazing.
When I wrote this post it was from genuine curiosity, but also because of what someone said to me, recently, about my husband, and my complete inability to respond appropriately.
It would be easy to walk away from him since you don't have any children together.
I questioned this logic and they shrugged and told me they would have left their husband years ago, if not for the children. So maybe that was coloring their feelings on that particular subject. I'm not sure.
I think there are a lot of different kinds of families. I happen to be in a step-family situation and I don't think it's weird. I think a lot of people, for some reason, keep trying to convince me how weird it is, but really? I'm pretty sure about 50% of the kids in America don't live with both their biological parents so I'm thinking the people who are trying to convince me of the weirdness are the ones who have the issue. Not me. Not us.
I also think it would be really, really weird to still be married to the Boy and the Girl's biological father. I think it would soul-crushing and painful and horrible and my life would not be anywhere close to what it is right now. Which is also very conflicting because wasn't he supposed to be part of my family when I married him? I mean, true, I had no idea what a Douche Lord he would turn out to be, how horrible and miserable he was. How, when I was pregnant with his children and passed out on the floor I would awake with him kicking me and when I said to him, "Why are you kicking me" he would say, "I thought you were dead and I didn't want to touch the body". But still. I would have stayed married to him because that's what I was supposed to do. Because he was supposed to be part of my family. He did me the biggest favor of my life by walking out on me while I was pregnant and breaking my heart into a billion pieces. Honestly.
It occurred to me over the past few days that I've created my own family around me and it expands far beyond the people I gave birth to and the dog I didn't think I even wanted from the animal shelter that somehow became my third child. Some of them are actually related to me but most of them are people I've chosen to have as part of my life. My children will grow up (oh God) and someday leave home (oh GOD) and eventually have families of their own. I have to have other people in my tribe.
I don't think I'm weird.
Okay, I'm weird. But not like that.