Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Just another day in Paradise.

I've probably mentioned this before, but Jason? He really likes to clean. A lot.

He's not allowed to go to the grocery store, ever. But if at any time he wants to vacuum, wash dishes, organize the pantry, or iron anything I am totally on board. I like to be generous like that.

While the children and I were in Michigan for a few days he was apparently bored out of his skull (as we are his primary entertainment) and decided to clean out "his" drawer in the kitchen. I allowed him one(see? Generous) and basically completely forgot about it almost immediately after we purchased the house.

When we arrived home he was EXTREMELY pleased to show me what he had cleaned out of that drawer, which included:

-Literally dozens of MRE's (Meals Ready to Eat)
-Camel Cash (like 1000 or more of them. They don't even HAVE the Camel Cash program anymore)
-Instruction booklets for every item we don't own anymore (and no, before you ask, I have no idea why he kept these)

My plan, of course, is to throw all of this hot mess away.

But no.

Last night he decides that it would be a REALLY GREAT PLAN to open the MRE's and see if they were still edible.

"That 'food substance' is ten years old Jason," I say.

"It's good forever!" he insists.

*Starey face*

"It really is!" he continues to insist.

"Well, it's your funeral," I say, trying to grill my actual recently purchased and non-space food pork chops on the George Foreman.

But that's not enough. You see, it never is.

The CHILDREN must become involved in this sad carnival as well.

"Come get some delicious astronaut food!" he calls. And they come running. Oh yes.

"Astronauts eat this?!" they are delighted. Amazed.

"Oh yes!" he says and they begin to open packages of ten-year old crackers and poundcake.

(To his credit, he did throw out most of it. Particularly disgusting were things like "Ravioli with meat sauce". Seriously? I wouldn't have eaten that ten years ago either.)

"It's a little dry," says the Boy Child, chewing thoughtfully.

"Really? Ten year old crackers are dry? Amazing!" says I.

"Can you go online and see if anyone wants to buy that Camel Cash?" says Jason, pouring his third glass of water.

"I'll get right on that."

Several hours later Jason says,

"My stomach hurts."

And I say, "Ten year old crackers will do that to a person, I imagine."

"It's not the crackers Stephanie! They're good forever!"

Don't stop believin'. Hold onto that feelin'.

Not the pukey one. The other one.


Bexterrific said...

Dude, this cracked my shit up SO bad! I love that he found nothing weird about wanting to sell expired Camel cash online OR eating 10 year old food - in the same day!!!! Awesome sauce!

Boriqua said...

Thanks for the much-needed laugh. :) And I suspect Jason got off easy with just a stomach ache.

Madame Queen said...

I don't know if I've told you this before, but my daughter makes what she calls her "stare face" and it cracks me up EVERY time. When you write that all I can picture is HER stare face and it cracks me up again. My husband, fwiw, also has some MREs but the only one we tried was the ice cream. Yeah, not so good.

val said...


Men are so strange, Stephanie.

My mom and I threw out some old nasty brats at the lake, and my guy came looking for them. We told him they were old and icky and we'd thrown them away.

HE did the starey face, and then bellowed, "You WOMEN!"

We just didn't want anyone to get sick. He said the same thing as Jason, "Brats don't go bad. They last forever."

I seriously doubt this. Thanks for the excellent laugh. love, Val