Yesterday at church we were stopped by some really sweet, very enthusiastic teenage boys who were teaching the Boy Child's class. One of them was a really sweet kid in small glasses who was friendly and funny and appropriate. The other one looked like he was going to vomit the entire time we talked.
Later I said, "Did that kid seem freaked out when he talked to us or what?"
Jason agreed but said, "Well, you know, they're just kids. I'm sure it's intimidating talking to adults when you're that age."
"Also," said Girl Child, "Daddy is really big and mean and scary looking."
We, and by "we" I really mean "all of us but Jason", laughed really hard and long about that. Then I snorted to myself because I thought the words "hard and long" together and I'm really a 14 year old boy.
"What do you mean I'm big and mean and scary looking?" asked Jason looking neither big nor mean nor scary looking but instead very sad and wounded right that second.
"You look like you kill people for money," Girl Child said, casually.
"No, you don't," I told him quickly.
Still. He pouted.
"You know what's really funny Girl Child?" I asked.
"When you start dating. That's going to be HILARIOUS. I'll bet no boy takes you out two times."
"They'll meet Daddy and run away. RUN AWAY!"
We all laughed again. And by "we" I mean the same people who were laughing before.
"And you know what's REALLY funny about the whole thing?"
"Mom is the one they have to watch out for. Dad wouldn't hurt a fly. But if someone ever hurt you? Well, I look really sweet but I would hunt them down."
And then Boy Child said, "You guys are like a double threat!"
"Also? If someone hurt my sister? I'd beat his bitch ass."
And then? I laughed so hard my face hurt.
Don't you want to spend Sunday afternoon at my house?