I'm really hard on other women.
(Okay, I'm fourteen and I totally snorted out loud when I typed that. My bad)
Anyway, I'm on this really epic quest to better myself (stupid sex jokes notwithstanding. Apparently) and in doing that I've thought a lot about my relationships with other people and you know what? I'm a complete bitch.
Seriously, it's true. I mean, I guess my ex-husband was ACTUALLY RIGHT (about that anyway) and I'm just a dreadful person. Because here is an example of a conversation I had with a friend recently:
Me: And I mean, MY GOD. Instead of sitting around talking about doing something, she should just get off her dead ass and DO IT.
Friend I don't deserve: Well, maybe it's hard for her. She has a lot going on.
Me: She doesn't have ANYTHING going on! Nothing!
Friend: Stephanie. She has kids at home.
Me: So? I had two kids at home when I went back to college! And I worked full-time! And I made straight A's! And-
Friend: Stephanie. Not everyone wants to be like you.
See, I thought I had this figured out. I thought I was pretty good overall. Not perfect, but okay. I love other people. I'm fiercely loyal to my friends. I support charities. I love Jesus SO BAD. I'm really nice!
Except I'm not really nice. I get frustrated with people when I shouldn't. I expect way more of people than is fair. I'm not separating myself from other people. And that? Sucks butt. For real.
Cause in reality? It's okay if I want to work 500 jobs and never sleep, but it's not fair, nor is it realistic for me to expect anyone else to do this. It's okay for me have high expectations of myself. Okay, maybe it's really stupid because the whole almost-no-sleep-for-twelve-years thing? Not so pretty on the face. But the point is, I can impose whatever I want on myself. Not on anyone else. Not even in my head. Because only a complete bitch would do something like that.
I was watching Dr. Phil the other day (I know. Shut up) and he currently has this group of "Housewives" that, from what I can tell, basically sit around a talk smack about each other. Watching it made me uncomfortable. It made me sad. And it made me want to kick my own butt.
Snark is one thing. I fully embrace my snark. It will never leave me, nor forsake me. Like Jesus.
But being petty and cruel is another. And I'm not doing it anymore.