Me, to children: It smells out here.
Girl: I don't smell anything.
Boy, sniffing exaggeratedly: Me either.
Me: Well I do. It smells like poop.
Girl: Well...we are near the asphalt plant.
Me: Yes. But they don't actually manufacture asses.
Me, holding my hip and grimacing.
Boy: What's wrong, ma? Your hip hurt?
Me: Yes, just a little.
Boy: You know...pain is just fear leaving your body.
Me: Wow. That's very profound. Where did you hear that?
Boy, shrugging: I dunno. Spongebob?
Me, sighing: Yes. Probably.