I’ve somehow lost an entire month of my life. It’s really bizarre.
I don’t know how it happened, exactly. I just know that the entire month of March was one big blur. To wit:
1) My car died and I had to buy a new one.
2) The car buying experience was so horrible that when the customer service place called me and asked me how I would rate the dealership on a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest, I seriously said, “A zero”. The girl got really confused and upset, but seriously. ZERO. I could tell you stories for six weeks about the level of suck that we experienced, which included the cashier charging my DEBIT CARD an additional $1987 that I did not authorize. Which was, as you can imagine, quite hysteria producing.
3) One day I woke up in so much pain that I literally thought I was going to die. I needed a root canal. Have you ever needed a root canal before? Jesus God. Before I got the antibiotics and pain meds, I was begging my spouse to just stab me in the face so I could get it over with. It was insane.
4) Pain meds? Holy Moses on a bike. I got the medication on a Friday, took it at around 4pm and by 5pm? I was sound asleep. I pretty much slept for three days straight, waking up only to take more antibiotics and pain meds. Oh and to vomit. Antibiotics make me vomit. Which I’m sure you needed to know. You’re welcome.
5) I went to North Carolina for a few days at some point.
6) What with buying a new car, getting a root canal and the fact that the gas to drive 1000 miles cost as much as my first house? I was bleeding money in March. BLEEDING. Money, and the lack thereof, is one of my anxiety triggers. If not for those pain meds? I don’t think I would have slept at all for at least a couple of weeks.
7) After much thought, consideration and a lot of prayer, I resigned from my job of nearly six years. Yes, that’s huge. But I did so because…
8) I got a job offer for a really freaking sweet new job. Lo! The perks! Working from home! Better insurance (it even covers my therapist! And I really need to see him after last month)! Bigger, prettier salary! Most laid-back boss ever of all time! It’s really amazing. I feel like I won the New Job Lottery. And I already won the Best Kids Ever Lottery! And I usually like my husband too! My life is made of win, laced with caramely goodness.
9) My children turned thirteen years old. I am completely unsure how this happened and quite certain I did not authorize it. Weren’t they two years old yesterday? How is it possible they now have things like house keys and armpit hair and angst?
10) My children got Facebook accounts. On my daughter’s boyfriends page (yes, I stalk all their friends pages to the extent I can based upon their Facebook settings. I’m the mom, it’s my job), he is listed as “In a relationship”. This makes me want to alternately laugh my face off and vomit, as they have never even held hands to my knowledge because they are both so quiet and shy, and also that my daughter who is leggy and gorgeous and THIRTEEN is now “in a relationship”. At least according to the internet.
So now, you’re all caught up. Yay. Or whatever.