Open Letters: Lots of Random Crap is happening lately and none of it deserves its own post edition!

Dear Quasi-friend,

OMG we freaking get it. You have a much harder life than ANYONE EVER. No one will ever, ever, EVER have as many problems as you. I mean, what with the fact that you're homeless and no one loves you and you don't have any food to eat and even though you work like sixty hours a week you still don't have any money for new Sevens and...

Oh wait. You DO have a home. And a husband who loves you and financially supports you. And beautiful, gorgeous little children. You have food and far more spending money than a lot of us. For reasons unknown, you complain about every. bit. of. this. Every conversation is yet another tale of woe. Every Facebook post is crafted to ensure that everyone knows how very hard your life is and how very sorry we should all feel for you.

You're a misery chick. It's very, very unattractive.

I never say this, but honest to God? I feel sorry for your husband and children.

Blocking you on Facebook,
Steph

PS: No one, NO ONE deserves praise for taking care of their kids. That's what you DO. They are YOUR KIDS.





Dear husband,

Sometimes? When we are in bed? I look over at you and I am just shocked by your noseholes.

I mean seriously. How is it that you snore? Your noseholes are really big. One would think that you could breathe really, really well.

Weird.

Love you and your face!
Your wife

PS: Noseholes is the funniest thing to say, EVER.





Dear Alex Trebek,

Why are you such a smug bastard?

BE NICE. The money the contestant win doesn't come out of your personal paycheck.

Thank you,
Stephanie




Dear son,

Whilst I appreciate your generous offer to assist me in "getting a few days off work", I really don't want your poison ivy.

Thanks though.

Love you,
Your mom

PS: Heh. I said, "Your mom".




Dear My Life,

Thanks for being so awesome.

Love,
Me