Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Open Letters: Lots of Random Crap is happening lately and none of it deserves its own post edition!

Dear Quasi-friend,

OMG we freaking get it. You have a much harder life than ANYONE EVER. No one will ever, ever, EVER have as many problems as you. I mean, what with the fact that you're homeless and no one loves you and you don't have any food to eat and even though you work like sixty hours a week you still don't have any money for new Sevens and...

Oh wait. You DO have a home. And a husband who loves you and financially supports you. And beautiful, gorgeous little children. You have food and far more spending money than a lot of us. For reasons unknown, you complain about every. bit. of. this. Every conversation is yet another tale of woe. Every Facebook post is crafted to ensure that everyone knows how very hard your life is and how very sorry we should all feel for you.

You're a misery chick. It's very, very unattractive.

I never say this, but honest to God? I feel sorry for your husband and children.

Blocking you on Facebook,

PS: No one, NO ONE deserves praise for taking care of their kids. That's what you DO. They are YOUR KIDS.

Dear husband,

Sometimes? When we are in bed? I look over at you and I am just shocked by your noseholes.

I mean seriously. How is it that you snore? Your noseholes are really big. One would think that you could breathe really, really well.


Love you and your face!
Your wife

PS: Noseholes is the funniest thing to say, EVER.

Dear Alex Trebek,

Why are you such a smug bastard?

BE NICE. The money the contestant win doesn't come out of your personal paycheck.

Thank you,

Dear son,

Whilst I appreciate your generous offer to assist me in "getting a few days off work", I really don't want your poison ivy.

Thanks though.

Love you,
Your mom

PS: Heh. I said, "Your mom".

Dear My Life,

Thanks for being so awesome.



Jessa said...

There are two people on my FB list that are notorious for being downers. My cousin is a hypocondriac. She is sick at least once a week and generally it requires pain killers. Um...addiction? Or her daughter is sick. Take your pick. And then a friend of my husbands who can barely spell and writes things like 'ugh ppl piss me off' roughly every other day. Or says nasty things about how much her life sucks. Every day. *sigh* I don't know why I have't done a delete. I must like to be annoyed.

Dawn said...

I miss you! We need to do lunch sometime!

love the letters.

Lauren said...

This post made me smile... I love the blog!!

Misty said...

those misery whores drive my crazy! my sister is one! Bah...

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

That first letter? Amen, sister.

And noseholes is a totally awesome word. :)

Anonymous said...

I am so jealous that you get to work from home. Are they still hiring and can I have the position if they are? :0) I don't care what it is, as long as I'm home.


mumof3boyz said...

I love your open letters posts...they say everything I want to say but am to afraid to put out there.

And you should totally do an extreme couponing post. More people read you that I will ever have come to my little site. The word needs to get out!

KrustyLynn said...

BHAHAHAHAHAHAH!! ohhhh, so funny!