Wednesday, September 21, 2011


My husband had told me many times that I am the smartest person he knows. God bless him. He doesn't know very many people.

He has further told me that he really loves how very smart I am, but also absolutely hates it because it makes me nearly impossible to fight with.

To which I say,


I am a huge dick to fight with. Huge.

I don't fight a lot with anyone mostly because I really don't care about most things. Yes, I know this makes me even more of a dick, but honestly I don't get very spun up about most things that spin others. Jason and I have agreed not to discuss certain things (politics mostly) and I don't get into any confrontations with other people about other stuff. Except that Teen Mom program. I get super shrieky about that.

Overall I have always felt that:
1) Everyone is entitled to their own opinion
2) As long as you don't shove yours up my nose, I won't shove mine up yours

That seems pretty fair to me. Other people feel compelled to share every thought and feeling they have about every potentially controversial topic that comes to their minds (usually on The Facebook), and that's their choice. Some people will read it, some won't. That's okay too.

It's different when it's your husband. And not because I love him. I do love the crap out of him, but that's not why.

It's because we fight about the dumbest. stuff. ever.

We have vastly different political positions. We disagree on the validity of certain social programs. We haven't discussed it in a while, but I believe we have very different ideas about what happens to you when you die if you commit suicide. We don't argue about any of that. You know why? Because we're too busy arguing about the oven.

Yes. The oven.

One of us believes that after using the oven you should leave the door open so that the heat will dissipate more quickly. The other one of us believes that leaving the door open like that causes the entire house to get really hot and that you should only leave the door closed so that even though the oven and the area immediately surrounding the oven is warm, the entire house is not. And no matter what one says to the other? We are absolutely, completely, 100% unwilling to budge on our positions. In fact? One of us probably said last night, "WELL! I'm just going to write a LETTER TO THE MAYTAG PEOPLE and then you'll KNOW HOW WRONG YOU ARE!" But I won't tell you which one of us said that. But it was the same one of us that also snarled, "I can't kiss you when Bill O'Reily is on my television screen!"

It's the dumbest thing ever. I know it.

Even so. Please don't ask me anything about my oven. Or Bill O'Reily. Or why my towels are stacked by alternating colors in the linen closet. Just don't.


Jessica said...

1. The the door to the oven open is literally one of the dumbest things I have even heard of. I mean that in the nicest way possible.

2. Not only are my towels stacked like that, but ALL the dishes as well. In a pattern. It's so pleasing.

Unknown said...

hah. we end up arguing about the same types of things.. it's insane.

FTR, close the effing door on the stove, and for the love of god, do NOT store sh!t in it when it's not in use.

Bethany said...

I don't know which of you is on which side but...
I have to agree with the person who says leave the oven door closed. Not only does it heat the whole darn house up, it is also a hazard for the little humans and furry creatures who walk through the kitchen 8,000 times to ask what's for dinner. Of course the furry creature isn't the one who asks what's for dinner as she gets the same damn thing day in and day out. Anyway... leave the oven door closed.