Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Open letters: Can-I-just-have-one-day-off? edition!

Dear guy in front of me who blew through three school zones while driving at least 60 miles an hour this morning,

Well. I guess you showed us. Traffic laws, as well as the laws of human decency, clearly do not apply to you. Screw those kids who might potentially need to walk through that crosswalk without the fear of death! They have no idea.

Also? I hope a cop is waiting right behind that building tomorrow and you get the biggest ticket you can even imagine.

Kisses!
Stephanie





Dear my new neighbors,

You are really nice and I like you lots. I still think your dog is a dick though.

Hugs!
Stephanie

PS: I was totally kidding when I said I was going to kidnap your really adorable daughter. Please do not call the law.





Dear everybody,

Did I tell you I did a 5k this past weekend? And my time was 55 minutes? And that I know that's not really fast, but I'm fat as Holy Hell, so for me it was really fast?

Yay!

Love,
Me





Dear husband,

You are cute. I mean, really cute. Other women think you are cute. I am not sure if this situation is made better or worse by the fact that you do not wear a wedding ring because you are a freak about having anything on your hands, and also some women are bitches and see a wedding ring not as a Stop Sign but instead as a personal challenge.

But anyway. You are cute. I note your cuteness daily. Other women do too.

Thanks for totally not noticing when other women check you out. The fact that you are oblivious to such things is one of the many (many) reasons I think you are swell.

Love you AND YOUR FACE,
Stephanie





Dear long weekend,

Could you please get here?

Love you madly,

Stephanie

4 comments:

Galen Pearl said...

You are a woman with opinions! And a humorous way of expressing them!

Crystal said...

Awesome job on the 5K! I was so impressed with all of the people that completed it! I saw you finish!

Little Red Hen said...

My hubs also is oblivious to the advances of "fast" women...and I love him all the more for it! <3

And ditto the long weekend letter!

Christina Berry said...

You always make me smile! Like this: :D