Monday, August 6, 2012

I'll just bless my own heart then.

Since my car has been in the shop I've been pretty much trapped like a rat in a cage staying home lots and lots. I really overestimated how much I like staying at home. I should have just picked up a rental car and what a fool I am for thinking, "Oh! I'll be fine! I don't need to drive very much!" (see also: I'm stupid).

So yesterday when Jason said, "Hey, do you want to go out and-" I was pretty much sitting in the car, leaning on the horn screaming, "LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" even before he finished the sentence. No, I could not have possibly cared less about where we were actually going. I just wanted to GO.

We went many places (including an Open House in our very own neighborhood because we are just that nosy and FYI? That house was so not worth what they are asking for it). One of the places was the CVS. Because we were looking for a good price on a Propane tank. Yes, I realize this makes no sense, but when you are hungry and need to grill something nothing ever does.

The CVS did not have a propane tank...area? I guess? But it did have a Redbox. At the Redbox was a lady who, bless her sweet little soul, looked like a complete whore.

Now as a "good sized girl" myself, I know this sounds really mean, but there really is a lot of truth to the statement "Just because they make it in your size does not mean you should wear it".

Also? That was so not her size. Not even close.

Also? I'm pretty sure the dude with her was a pimp.

Or her dad.

Or maybe both. I don't know. I don't get involved in people's family affairs.

Anyhoo, she turned around as we drove by slowly and gave us a very ugly look which, I'll admit, made me snort.

"Honey," I said to my spouse, "if I ever start dressing like that I want you to help me. Please. I want you to take my hand, pull me gently aside and say, with every ounce of love in your heart,

Bitch, please."

We laughed so hard we cried. Not even about her shorts. I swear.


mumof3boyz said...

You are too funny....reminds me of a pin on pinterest the other day. just cause you can zip it doesn't mean it

Ginny Larsen said...

you are hilarious. my sister thought i needed a laugh, so she sent me a link here... so glad she did! i've visited before, but now i'm bookmarking you!

have a great day :D

Jenski said...

Post more if you're stuck at home, duh. I love reading your stories. You and your peeps are HILARIOUS.

lisa said...

And there is not photographic evidence of this because....

Bexterrific said...

I love every bit of this blog. Bitch, please. :)