So as is often the case with, you know, life, things are not exactly going the way I hoped.
Nothing is terrible or anything. I still have a job and having a job is good. I have these really cool kids who started High School (and are absolutely LOVING IT, thank you beautiful 8lb baby Jesus). I have a great house, a mostly great spouse, and my dog? I freaking love my dog. She's my bff for real, even though she's disgusting and I often call her derogatory names. She thinks "butthole" is a term of endearment. She's a dog. It's fine.
Feeling a little depressed. Feeling a little lonely. Wondering what I've gotten myself into.
Also? Teen Mom is over. I'm sad I won't see Butch anymore.
Let's have a moment of silence for that, at least.
I know we'll all miss those sweet neck tattoos. I know.
The rest of it I guess is just life. I'm trying. I can't fix anything or anyone and I need to remind myself of that frequently. I can't make every recipe I find on Pinterest either. Sad. But just life.
I don't know how to stop being jealous, even though I know it's the stupidest stupid that ever was stupid. In case it's not obvious, I've totally forgotten how to write. I'm actually not sure I've ever known how. I want to walk but it's still 90 freaking degrees and then it storms. I would eat less if food would just stop being so freaking delicious.
But I'm not mad.
People ask me frequently if I'm mad. I guess I just look mad. But I'm not mad.
I've had a headache since 2004. I never, ever, EVER get enough sleep. I worry endlessly. I am frequently lonely. So very many people are ignorant and uninformed and need to be punched in their faces and, in the immortal words of Sweet Brown, "Ain't nobody got time for that!"
Still. Not mad.
Exhausted. Discouraged. Not heard. Still have no idea how to pose in pictures. Irritated by many. Inordinately fascinated by bad television. Seeking and searching for...something. Not even sure what it is, but I know it's something.
I don't know how else to be.
I just know no one can be happy all the time. Or funny all the time. Or anything all the time, really. That sometimes I just have to sit still and accept what it is. Whatever it is. Even if I don't like it.
Everything happens for a reason and I know that. I have to remind myself of that all the time too. I do know it though. I believe it.
I can't be mad. I'm right where I'm supposed to be.