Thursday, September 26, 2013

Like a handprint on my heart

Lately, I feel like I can't write anymore.

I put words down on paper, but what's the point? Everything else is so screwed up. I hate the words I put down. None of it makes sense. I set writing goals for myself, but they've been buried and lost in all my other obligations and goals. Lately, more than ever, I question why I even bother. With a lot of things, not just the things I write. But there it is. It stares at me in the face every time I look in the mirror. It makes my heart race when I try to sleep at night. Every bad review, every negative comment. I live it every single day, especially lately. Especially now.

A dear friend of mine lost her mom today. A loss that makes my heartaches quite petty.

She emailed me earlier, and with her permission, I'd like to share what she told me.

I'm packing up all of the books stacked beside mom's "real" bed and lo... your book. With a card in it with a heart drawn on... meaning she liked it.
Thank you for making my mother laugh
You are good people

There is a finality and enormity to death that I can't even begin to comprehend and my heart is broken for my dear friend.  In the midst of her grief, what a gift she gave me today.

I made this person laugh. I never met this lady, never had the pleasure of meeting her. But I made her laugh. I made her happy. Maybe for just a moment, but that moment still mattered.

That means something.

It means a whole lot.


Karen Warren said...

Dear Stephanie,
You have given me so much pleasure over the years of reading your blog & I have never commented but I want you to know how much I love your blog & your writing. You come from a place of honesty & truth which is partly what makes your writing so compelling. Also you are just a really good writer! I have always felt that you are way too hard on yourself but you are also a truly sensitive person so of-course negativity & nastiness affects you more than those with thicker skins. It's a gift though, even though it's a painful one at times. Please keep writing and don't let them get you down. You make me laugh too and you also make me cry & think - it's all good. As us Aussies would say - tell them all to get stuffed! (I won't tell you what else Aussies would say though! ha).
All the best to you and your lovely family.

perdido said...

Ditto to the above. Don't let the haters get to you. The truth is for some reason a large majority of people in the world like to tear down things that are good and wonderful. Your book was awesome. you are awesome. Your writing is awesome. People love you and your writing. Yes there are some people that don't -but there are also some people that don't like the color blue. Everybody has their own taste but there are plenty of people out there that like the taste of your writing! I too sometimes feel like why keep trying but then I remember that if I let "them" steal my happiness they win, don't let "them". Just keep being you and those that love you and want to support you will and those that don't just let them go and ignore their negativity.

Lynn said...

I loved your book. Please keep writing.