I've been trying to focus more on myself and making myself better and not worrying about other jerkfaces, but it's hard you guys. It's really hard. When jerkfaces way outnumber the sane, decent people it makes it really difficult for anyone who is trying to be on the good side. Even the "trying" part is more difficult, because when people repeatedly disrespect you, ignore you, and just do what they want and then demand you suffer the consequences along with them? Well, you kind of want to stop trying to be a nice person and instead want to be the type of person who stabs people in their face. Repeatedly.
I'm not quite sure how to fix this. You can say, "I'm going to stop letting people walk all over me", but how, exactly, does one do that? No, I'm serious. How do you do that?
Let's barely make up an example here (I say barely because I'm fairly certain this is exactly how this scenario would play out):
Customer is rude and abusive.
I ignore customers rude and abusive behavior because it's insane.
Customer does not resign their contract and complains about me to a salesperson who has no idea what's going on because the customer for some reason thinks that salesperson is my superior.
I am looked at negatively and/or reprimanded.
I walk many miles every single day, despite this (also, the fat doesn't seem to change, despite this, which is infuriating on so many levels that it makes me want to cry. But whatever. I plod onward)
Dude in my neighborhood loudly makes fun of me for being fat, while I am walking.
No one does anything because apparently because I'm fat I don't deserve any respect.
I don't know how to make these things okay. I'm not a stupid person, despite how I sometimes act. I'm really not. I still can't figure this out though.
It's other things too, and other people. I will sound like the oldest old fart that ever farted when I say this, but seriously. When did people become so lazy? And so entitled? And such buttholes? And so unconcerned about anything that's real? I cannot tell you how many times in the last year I've wondered why people get so infuriated about things like television shows and what some overpaid actor had to say when there are so many children who don't get enough to eat. Right here in America. It's...amazing. Not in a good way.
I am the only person I can change. I get this, really. I know this. I also know that even if I change myself, it's really going to be obscenely difficult to not get angry about the people who don't want to change. Thus, my dilemma.
I'm doing things like looking up Zumba classes online, and plotting how many miles I can walk next year. Researching recipes and making lists of what's in my pantry so I'll know what I need. Getting organized. Cleaning up my desk.
It's not enough.
This year, for some reason, it feels even more like "not enough" than ever before.