My son (who was home from school due to the aforementioned ice) thought the music which played between speakers (presumably as they climb the stairs to the stage) was particularly hilarious. "Because your company is so hip!" he scoffed. You just don't even know, kid. You don't even know.
We were talking about the hilarity of this and how last year at the same event I enthusiastically fist-pumped, Stephanie The Situation Snowe, during some of the more upbeat songs. No one, absolutely no one, was impressed by my skillz and my daughter, very innocently asked, "What song did they play while you were walking up to speak mom?"
After I laughed so hard that I'm fairly sure I broke a rib, I explained that oh no. No one wants any of this. Even my husband helpfully pointed out last night, "You have no friends except Ginger!" No one wants to hear anything I would have to say.
My son said, "Can you imagine? Mom would get on stage and be all like, 'This sucks. This also sucks. Here's all the ways I personally failed last year. This is wrong. You suck. I don't like you. You need to get off your dead butt and do something for yourself for once. You're okay, but don't cross me. You, over there? You suck. Any questions? Okay, bye!' And then smile really big, drop the mic, and walk off the stage."
(It's probably unnecessary to say this, but he also gesticulated wildly while telling this story)
That apple and this tree are sitting side by side. On the couch. Watching Futurama reruns and smack talking.