You might notice I look a little different in some of these than I do today.
You might even send me an email that I'm positive you intended to be helpful, that says something like, "That's not the most flattering picture of you Stephanie." or "You have thighs of doom in that picture, Stephanie." or "Have you considered PicMonkey Stephanie?"
Because you know, it's the darnedest thing.
That's actually what I looked like when the photograph was taken.
Shocking, right? I know.
I don't want to say anything about weight loss. It makes me seriously want to scream when people talk about their journey. I guess I'm on a journey too, but for some reason that makes me think of some epic quest through the forest or something. No. I just have some fat I need to lose. It's been difficult and it's been going on for like, ever, and it's been a huge pain in my ass frankly, but still. It's just what I've been doing.
I can't pretend that these pictures don't exist. I can't pretend that I didn't look like that when the picture was taken. What would I say to my daughter if I got rid of all of the pictures from when she was little? Nope honey, moms thighs were too big to keep that one. Sorry about your childhood memories.
Forget those pictures of grandma, that you miss so much. You look horrible there. Forget having a picture with your sisters and your brother. Or a picture with your mom and dad. Your fat rolls are showing.
It's ridiculous. It's crazy. And I'm not doing it.
Like it or hate it, that's how I looked at that exact moment the camera flashed.
My mom looks at the picture of her family and the picture of her children and she feels so happy that we were all together and thinks of how much she loves us. My children will forever cherish their five generation pictures. Pictures of my great-grandma (that I miss terribly) are priceless to me. Pictures of me with my friends are irreplaceable. Despite the size of my pants.
This is how I looked right that second. Right this second I don't look exactly the same. That doesn't mean those old pictures don't matter. It doesn't mean I'm not thankful I have them.
I won't get to my goal weight today or tomorrow or next month. That's okay. The camera doesn't lie and I'm not going to either.
All of these are me.
It's not brave. It's just reality.