Monday, June 9, 2014

Neighborhood Friend Count: Still zero

I walk with my dog most nights after 8pm. I'm just so busy before that time of day, andalsoplus it cools down after that time so we can walk and walk and not be so miserable/melty/annoyed/ready for this to be over so I can lay down.

I walk facing traffic and my dog wears a reflector vest, not that we need it really. It's not terribly dark at that time, and when I see a car coming we move off the street. Period. There are far too many idiots texting and driving for me to think we'd be safe otherwise. And once this guy was backing out of his driveway and even though I moved into the grass on the opposite side of the street from his house, he BACKED INTO THE GRASS right next to me because he didn't see me. I'm almost six foot tall, I have huge hair, I'm certainly not a small lady, I was wearing a bright orange t-shirt and my dog was wearing a bright orange reflective vest and he didn't see us. Okay then.

One other thing that I've noticed about drivers in my area is that they don't use their turn signals. Like at all, ever. So, quite often, if I'm walking facing a oncoming vehicle and I move off the road, they end up never passing me. Instead, they violently lurch to the left or right at some side street at the absolute last possible second.

It's usually not a big deal, I just keep walking, but for some reason (perhaps that it happened approximately eleven thousand times on an hour long walk) it really, really annoyed me the other night. So much so that I loudly said to my dog,

"People here don't use their turn signals. It's probably because they are afraid it will make their tiny little penises fall off."

My dog wagged her tail at me. To be fair, she would have also done that if I called her a butthole or praised her for being a good girl. She doesn't care. If I'm talking to her, she's happy about it.

The guy watering his lawn about four feet away from me that I swear I didn't see until it was far too late? He said this,


I don't know if he was laughing at me because I talk to my dog like she's a person, because I said penises, or because he knows I'm right.

No matter the reason, I'm fairly certain I won't get an invite to his 4th of July BBQ.


Jana Holdeman Frerichs said...

I don't know, I think that invitation might be in the mail. He probably thought you were hilarious! (Like me!)

Jenski said...

Or maybe you will get an invite...

Jill said...

ha ha ha ha ha