Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Open Letters: Oh-hai-it's-September edition!

Dear tool I know and everyone else who needs to read this,

Sometimes when people say, "I'm just being honest!" what they really mean is, "I'm being a huge bitch!". There really is a difference.

If you don't like something and someone directly asks your opinion on it then feel free to politely say you don't care for it. Once.  If someone does not directly ask your opinion on it? It's perfectly fine to just not comment at all. Seriously, it is completely unnecessary to comment on every single thing you observe. 

It is not necessary to wax poetic for like ten minutes on all the reasons you dislike something, especially if no one asked your opinion in the first place

How does one get to adulthood and not understand this? You fail at basic adulting. I wish there was a class for you.


Dear Lazy person,

I have explained to you countless times how to perform the actions that you are, once again, requesting I perform on your behalf. Stop being a lazy bag of dick hair and do it for yourself.


Dear people with dogs at the park,

My dog doesn't want your dog to smell her butt.

I'm sorry this is so vexing to you, but seriously. She doesn't like it. She doesn't like other dogs. She's kind of a dick. It's my fault for spoiling her, but she honestly has no idea she's not a person. She is perplexed when dogs try to befriend her. She doesn't like it at all. She gets upset. She gets frustrated. She wants your dog to stop.

Please don't be all butthurt and ridiculous if I ask you to keep your dog in check. I don't want her to bite you. I don't want her to bite your dog. I'm trying to do the right thing here. 

Stop being a hole.

Love and hugs!

Dear Everyone,

Can we please talk about this?

Please tell me I'm not the only one who watched this.

Because it was horrible. I mean...not like usual Lifetime movie Mother, may I sleep with danger? horrible, which is it's-so-bad-it's-good-and-I-have-to-watch-it-every-time-it's-on horrible. It was just horrible. In every possible way.

Please commiserate with me.


1 comment:

Jill said...

To go along with your first letter, AMEN--if someone rants, let them rant. If they don't ask for your opinion, don't give them one. Don't try and help. Don't tell them what you would do. What they should do. For the love of God don't repeat yourself like a parrot on speed. That's the kind of crap you pull on someone who you are RESPONSIBLE for that isn't listening to you-- like a 5 year old who is not clearing their dishes--not an adult who doesn't have to listen to you or take your unasked for advice. I kid you not, I asked someone to stop FIVE times before unfriending them on facebook. If you're not asked, STFU. :/