Life is really hard for me. Not just because I'm a douche either.
I am competitive to the point of being annoying. Similarly, I like to be the best. At like, everything. I like to be the best cook. I like to be the best wife ever. I like to be the best mom. I like to win at every. single. thing.
Sadly, I'm human. Also, I suck. So I can't win at everything. Often, I can't win at anything. I try really hard to be a good wife, but there are just so many times that I can say, "WHY ON GODS GREEN EARTH CAN YOU NOT WALK TWO ADDITIONAL STEPS AND HANG YOUR CLOTHING IN THE ACTUAL CLOSET INSTEAD OF THE DOOR OF THE CLOSET?!?!" before I lose at being the Best Wife Ever. I'm teaching two teenagers how to drive so the whole "Best Mom Ever" thing is shot to Hell. I burn the brownies sometimes too.
I try though and I think that's a positive quality. I may not win by God, but I try. Sometimes I try for long enough that I actually do win (and, honestly, that's probably why I keep trying). I am fully convinced that making a concerted effort at losing weight as long as I have and STILL not being a Supermodel has made me either the bravest or dumbest person alive. I don't know. One of those.
So I signed up for Couch to 5K. Because I decided I wanted to run.
Why? I have no idea.
No, really. I have no idea. Maybe just because I couldn't. I knew I couldn't. I get so irritated when people say, "It's just one foot in front of the other!" because, well YES, but also, NO. It's not. It's also being able to breathe. It's also having achy, creaky joints that hurt like a mofo. It's also just not that easy for some of us. It's just not.
To be totally honest? After the third week, I had a moment of "I can't do this". I'm not sure I'm entirely convinced that I can yet.
It's a mental thing, Or BS. I haven't figured out which yet.
So I practice. I keep practicing. I keep telling myself it's getting easier. Maybe it is. I keep saying, "If Britney Spears can make it through 2007, you can run a freaking 5k." I won't be fast. I won't win. There will be absolutely zero winning. It's still worthwhile to do.
I keep telling myself that.
Tonight when the Boy and I were out "running" in our neighborhood (it counts even if a turtle passes you. I'm saying it does) and a little girl and her mom passed us. The girl was probably about 3 years old and adorable and I heard her say to her mom,
"Mommy? Why is that lady running?"
Her mom said, "She's just getting some exercise. Exercise is good for us."
And the little girl said, "Oh Mommy! She's trying SO hard!"
I'm trying so hard.
And I hope that kid shows up at my house on Friday. She is SO getting extra Halloween candy.