As I've mentioned many times, I'm not really big on having "resolutions". I like goals and write lists of those for myself frequently, but doing this once a year in January and forget about them before February crap is generally not for me. I figure I find enough ways to fail all on my own and don't need any additional, arbitrary guidelines.
However, a few weeks ago I got this idea in my head and I can't get it to go away, no matter how much Diet Pepsi I drink (because that kills brain cells, according to like twelve people on my Facebook page and their increasingly angry private messages to me), so I thought I'd share it today. Don't tell anyone, okay? Because this is kind of embarrassing.
I want to make one friend.
Lest I reveal myself as a complete loser, let me clarify that I do, indeed, have friends. Real, live people who love and care about me. In fact, there are a small number of people on this planet that I consider my "heart friends" (patent pending*) who I know I can always count on for things like 3am text messages, endless snark, and honest assessments of things like my marriage , my relationship with my children, and chin hair. Important things.
Alas, every one of those people live many, many miles from me.
Alas again, there have been more times lately than I care to recall that I have really, really needed a friend in my zip code. As my children get older and need/want me around less and less I am reaching a point in my life that, frankly, I'm not thrilled about. It's 2015. My children will graduate high school in 2016 (quicktypeanothersentencebeforepanicsetsin). I turn 40 this year. FOR-TEE (okaythatsentencedidnothelpatall). As much as it pains me to type this, I don't know how many years I have left with my dog (ohmyGODareyoutryingtokillmethismorning?!?). Things are changing, and they are going to change even more, no matter how I feel about it.
I wish I had one person, just one, in my town who I could talk to about these things. Who could talk to me about her things, whatever her things might be. I know I seem really needy, but honest to God I do have things to offer and not just things like, "Which Star Wars character would be the most powerful if they were fighting Hitler?" I could probably answer that intelligently, but really that's not the only thing I know. I've been through things I wouldn't wish on anyone. I can be very comforting. I can be very funny. I can give advice that matters. I can be a good friend.
I think finding this person is a good goal for me.
However, I honest to God have literally no idea how this can be accomplished.
I'm really not trying to be self-defeating, I just honestly don't know. I work from home, which means I don't really see people during the day (with the exception of the mailman, who is very nice). I love Jesus, but I don't have a church. I do volunteer work, but it's largely solo. I joined a Couch to 5K program and while I became very friendly with the other runners, I haven't had a good connection with anyone in particular. Which could be because one of us is ridiculously competitive, ahem. I am friendly with the ladies at my bootcamp, but I don't really live in that world, so I haven't found a close friend there either. I really like my therapist a lot, but it's probably frowned on for her to hang out since I'm the crazy person and whatnot.
So. What to do?
I seriously have no idea.