When days are hard.

I think dogs were made for hard days. 

Dogs and trees.

Somehow talking to either of those helps. I'm not always sure how it helps or how much it helps, but it does something for my soul.

Some days I have to remind myself that it's important that I am here.

Even when it feels very unimportant. 

Even when it feels incredibly lonely and fragile.

I am here.

If nothing more than to make sure a little black dog has her dinner and her cuddles. I am here for that.

Some days I have to remind myself that for every bad person, every person that is trouble, there are more that are not. 

The bad ones don't win, even when it feels like they do. 

No matter how loud and mean they are.

(and they are so loud and so, so mean)

That I am made of stars and I know other people who are too. 

I get to love people who are made of stars.

Dogs are also made of stars. 

So are trees.

They don't talk back, but they listen.

 

 

Some days when it all feels too much, I remind myself of what I've come to know and understand.

That my spirit deeply disturbs unhealed people.

That I can't heal people.

That it's important to never dim my spirit because of those unhealed people.

 

 

Some days when it's all too hard, I think about Chris. My brother who has been gone from me for 996 days.

He was also made of a million stars.

His were supernovas, unlike mine, which are just regular and quiet.

I think about how some people would have thought he was trouble, but how I knew the truth. 

That people are complex and lots of things.

No one all good or all bad.

His spirit disturbed people too. 

Some days I am just hanging on, waiting for other days.

Some days I am full of the light of possibilities and love and goodness.

Most days I'm somewhere in-between.