How it is even possible that I am currently upright, I have no idea. Sleep eludes me on a good day. Lately? Sleep is standing across the room yelling, "YOU CAN'T CATCH ME BIZ-NATCH!"
Thus? Here's a list of the randomness that is currently my brain:
1) My Avon Walk is this weekend. Everyone keeps asking me if I'm ready. I suppose I'll know if I don't, you know, die. Otherwise, I have no idea. Emotionally? Probably not. Physically? I sure the hell hope so.
2) I have that song "Smack my bitch up" in my head. On constant replay. If you aren't familiar the words are:
Change my pitch up, smack my bitch up.
I'm not kidding.
That's probably not healthy, I'm thinking.
3) I'm fairly certain I'm getting old. I said to my son yesterday, "Don't make me get off this couch!" Maybe I'm just getting bitchy. I'm not sure.
4) What is up with clothing these days? Everything is pretty much hideous. Unless, perhaps, you are a size -1. Which I? Am not.
5) Smack my bitch up.
6) I'm kind of in love with my new KitchenAid mixer. I sort of pet it and stroke it and talk really sweetly to it. Perhaps relationships would be easier for me if I could translate this affection to things other than inanimate objects.
7) Lately, I'm also obsessed with all things AdultSwim. Especially Harvey Birdman Attorney at Law. I like to sing along with the themesong, much to everyone's dismay.
8) Change my pitch up.
9) Someone complained to me that my book was too short and I said, "Don't worry. Next time I'll write about my fat ass, my infertility, and my general emotional instability. Because I care THAT MUCH about you, the reader."
It was supposed to be funny. I'm not sure though. There is some truth in every joke, right? Except that one about chickens and road crossing. I hate birds.
10) Isn't my dog all kinds of awesome? You know she is.