Monday, October 19, 2009

An epic amount of wazy.*

How it is even possible that I am currently upright, I have no idea. Sleep eludes me on a good day. Lately? Sleep is standing across the room yelling, "YOU CAN'T CATCH ME BIZ-NATCH!"

Thus? Here's a list of the randomness that is currently my brain:

1) My Avon Walk is this weekend. Everyone keeps asking me if I'm ready. I suppose I'll know if I don't, you know, die. Otherwise, I have no idea. Emotionally? Probably not. Physically? I sure the hell hope so.

2) I have that song "Smack my bitch up" in my head. On constant replay. If you aren't familiar the words are:

Change my pitch up, smack my bitch up.

That's it.

I'm not kidding.

That's probably not healthy, I'm thinking.

3) I'm fairly certain I'm getting old. I said to my son yesterday, "Don't make me get off this couch!" Maybe I'm just getting bitchy. I'm not sure.

4) What is up with clothing these days? Everything is pretty much hideous. Unless, perhaps, you are a size -1. Which I? Am not.

5) Smack my bitch up.

6) I'm kind of in love with my new KitchenAid mixer. I sort of pet it and stroke it and talk really sweetly to it. Perhaps relationships would be easier for me if I could translate this affection to things other than inanimate objects.

7) Lately, I'm also obsessed with all things AdultSwim. Especially Harvey Birdman Attorney at Law. I like to sing along with the themesong, much to everyone's dismay.

8) Change my pitch up.

9) Someone complained to me that my book was too short and I said, "Don't worry. Next time I'll write about my fat ass, my infertility, and my general emotional instability. Because I care THAT MUCH about you, the reader."

It was supposed to be funny. I'm not sure though. There is some truth in every joke, right? Except that one about chickens and road crossing. I hate birds.

10) Isn't my dog all kinds of awesome? You know she is.

*Wazy=Way Crazy


Lindsay said...

its easy for that song to get caught in your head..after all what person has time to memorize more than 2 lines at a time

Dawn~a~Bon said...

And here I thought wazy was baby-talk for lazy. Because I'm that.

Smack mah bitch up!

SJINCO said...

Prodigy eh? LOVE THEM.

And also? You crack mah ass up!

queenrandom said...

Who is the man in the suit?
Who is the cat with the beak?

You gotta get into Venture Brothers. Favorite quotes: "I DARE you to make less sense!" and "It was all sound and fury signifying nothing."

M said...

I'm not sure if I love you or hate you or hate myself for reading this before bed but smack my bitch up as a lullaby sooooo isn't working.

As for the rest? You're not old, you'll rock this weekend, and I wanna molest your mixer too. xoxo

Hockey Mom said...

I don't think you're really getting that old. I don't even know the song you have stuck in your head, and That makes me feel old!

Anonymous said...

Hmmm interesting lineup LOL. Hope sleep stops being a bitch soon :)

Mrs. Booms said...

When we got into the car to take my son home from the hospital the first song on the radio was Smack my Bitch up.

I kind of thought it set the wrong tone for his life and then remembered I'm his mother so the harm is already done.

PS... I still sigh longingly when I look at my kitchen aide mixer.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Book's not long enough? Pu-leeze. Read the blog! :)

Smack my biz-natch up!