Someone. Please tell me. It’s too early for me to have a midlife crisis, isn’t it?
I just turned 34. I’m not supposed to be this…angsty. Right? I’m supposed to, at least a little bit, have this figured out.
Also? Today I have really extremely spectacularly amazing hair. And when I went into the bathroom? I saw that I had a big, long, white hair in the top of my head.
So I yanked it out.
And then I saw another.
And soon? I had a whole huge pile of spectacularly amazing white hairs on the countertop.
I’m not supposed to have that happen either.
I’m not supposed to be conflicted about doing the right thing. I’m not supposed to be about thinking irresponsible things and half-wishing I could act on them. I’m not supposed to be…this. Whatever this is.
This is mostly my fault, you know. I don’t realize how old I am. I go around still thinking I’m the Woot Shizzle. Still thinking I can even use WORDS like “Woot Shizzle”. Instead, I need to curl up in a ball and be all curmudgeonly and shriveled and pathetic. Not thinking about good smelling men and gambling and running away to design my own clothing line. Or whatever. I'm not Jon freaking Gosselin.
God, I need sleep.
And possibly medication.