Tuesday, October 20, 2009

So I die when I'm sixty-eight, right?

Someone. Please tell me. It’s too early for me to have a midlife crisis, isn’t it?

I just turned 34. I’m not supposed to be this…angsty. Right? I’m supposed to, at least a little bit, have this figured out.

Also? Today I have really extremely spectacularly amazing hair. And when I went into the bathroom? I saw that I had a big, long, white hair in the top of my head.

So I yanked it out.

And then I saw another.

And another.

AND ANOTHER.

And soon? I had a whole huge pile of spectacularly amazing white hairs on the countertop.

I’m not supposed to have that happen either.

I’m not supposed to be conflicted about doing the right thing. I’m not supposed to be about thinking irresponsible things and half-wishing I could act on them. I’m not supposed to be…this. Whatever this is.

This is mostly my fault, you know. I don’t realize how old I am. I go around still thinking I’m the Woot Shizzle. Still thinking I can even use WORDS like “Woot Shizzle”. Instead, I need to curl up in a ball and be all curmudgeonly and shriveled and pathetic. Not thinking about good smelling men and gambling and running away to design my own clothing line. Or whatever. I'm not Jon freaking Gosselin.


God, I need sleep.


And possibly medication.

13 comments:

Intelligent Tool said...

or a hug.

or a kick in the rear cuz you are awesome.

cheer up chick!

SJ said...

Girl you are the woot shizzle! Don't let the gray hairs get you down...and uh, next time you see them? Snip them out of your dear little head with some shears, don't pull them out! Eh, now I feel like my hair dresser...she's always on my ass about plucking out the grays.

And you do have some fantastic hair by the way, I'm not gonna argue with you about that!

Carolyn said...

Your vocabulary will only get stranger as Boy and Girl hit their teens. I say the stupidest stuff ever now that mine are 16 and 14. And? I found my first white hair when I was 16. I had waist length hair at the time. Very attractive...

Mrs. Booms said...

I'm not sure this is a mid-life crisis. Maybe it's a delayed quarter life crisis.

Which I only heard that term recently.

Quarter life crisis... but it totally explains the decade known as "my 20's".

Also, I just went so long without bleaching my hair that I had enough rootage to check for gray hairs, but I stopped myself and then pulled myself out of my funk and fixed my hair.

Which is still not as spectacular as yours.

diane rene said...

oh girl, I only started following you within the last month, but already I feel we are life long friends! - okay, I'm really not a stalker, I swear, but I SO get the midlife scare. I am 36 now, but only just started admitting my true age 2 years ago ... I hung up at 27 (my 6 year old still thinks I am 27).
I have had crappy hair all my life, and I began finding little white hairs when I stopped dying it to put in extensions 2 years ago ... now I don't even think about it (unless I have one growing out of the front) until I go in to have my extensions re done every 4 months. but this month ... I started getting those little white hairs IN MY EYEBROWS!!
and I won't even go into the little BLACK hairs that grow on my face - I feel your pain

PaintedPromise said...

hey now, you should be PROUD of those white hairs - you worked HARD for them! at least, that's what i told my daughter when she offered to pluck mine {as she is standing over me at the computer trying to pressure me into leaving so she can get on-line}

i also told her, YOU put those there and YOU are NOT taking them out!!!

ha!

of course i am 48 and just barely started getting a handful. don't shoot me, it's hereditary!!! just ask my mom...

Lil Mouse said...

why not just treat yourself to a professional dye job? plenty of people get 'highlights' or 'lowlights', you dont have to tell anyone they're to, well, you know.

Chrissy said...

I agree that the gray hair is hereditary. I've known people at 30 who are already turning gray, and others who at 50 don't have a single strand. Blame your genes, not your age!

Anne-Kathrine said...

First off you are the Woot Shizzle lol.

My ex made my have some grey hairs, hon that is why hair coloring was invented, embrasse it LOL.

What you are supposed to be an old maid at 34??? I refuse since I turned 34 back in June, so there. Enjoy your youth, you are young!

Allie said...

I'm all about having a mid-life crises, how else could I justify getting a sports car? and a boyfriend? ...my mid-life crises sounds a lot like a sleazy old man's.
Just remember: acting young is the key to staying young...and 34 is not old!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

We all need medication, where "medication" is just another word for "corn likker."

And seriously? You're never to old to call yourself the Woot Shizzle.

Dawn~a~Bon said...

Oh girrrrl, I have had lovely white hairs all over my head since I was about 19. I can't wait until I can dye my hair again! And I pluck 'em too. Probably shouldn't. But I do.

insomniac ellen said...

2 words: Revlon Colorstay. It's a godsend.