Thursday, October 22, 2009

The truth.

This is an awkward thing to admit.

I'm trying to figure out what the truth is.

I always want to be honest and right now, I'm struggling.

What I think inside is not always what I do. People think I'm strong but I don't feel that way inside. I feel like a failure. A big, messy one.

I'm trying to work this out.

14 comments:

Carolyn said...

We are almost always harder on ourselves than is necessary. Give yourself a break!!!!

Kimberly said...

It's hard sometimes to reconcile the scared and vulnerable person we feel like we are with the stronger and more confident person that people can see us to be. It feels a bit like a lie, in a way, and yet how can we try to become who we have the potential to become except by...well...trying?

Tarasview said...

I feel like a big messy failure sometimes too... I think we all do at least some of the time. And those who don't are probably delusional or lying. :)

mythoughtsonthat said...

Peace.

Lil Mouse said...

The truth is, we're all big messy failures. Those that aren't, are lying. Like the guys that look like they have it all and cheat on their spouses, or the family that is so rich seeming, but the dad smuggles millions from his bank because they're overdrawn? Sometimes, there's just too much cricket leg in the chocolate and you just have to call it like it is. Messy.

thecheekofgod said...

I do "big messy" as well! Let's do lunch . . .

Allie said...

Sweetie, you'd be hard pressed to find someone who is as put together on the inside as they are on the outside. You're allowed to be a mess sometimes, it's okay, that's how we get better. Work through whatever it is you are going through and try not to be so hard on yourself. ((Hugs))

Heather {Desperately Seeking Sanity} said...

I am right there with you. Last night, the topic of another child came up with the boy again and he asked if I had changed my mind. I told him that I was on the fence, but it really came down to I'm not sure that I can handle the four that I have. I just don't feel like I'm a good mom, soon to be step mom, etc. For months, I've had these feelings of not being good enough. They come from every facet of my life, from church, to work, to friends, family and home.

But I'm working through them.

So I'll do what everyone else does for me.

Stephanie, you're not a failure. Look back and see how far you've come and what you've accomplished and know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

God doesn't make failures. :)

Thanks for taking the time for me. i appreciate it more than you know and I've gotten a little kick in the pants from you!

Mrs. Booms said...

If I had a solid week of days where I didn't feel like this on the inside, then I would suddenly feel like the only person on Earth who doesn't feel that way, just a little bit.

Strangely, I had this odd dream last night where I was cutting your hair.

I think that's a nightmare for you.

NinjaMom said...

I too have to deal with the failure/low self esteem stuff. But I've started seeing a therapist and it makes such a difference. I'm handling life way better and my anxiety and stress levels are dropping. I still get stressed but it doesn't keep me up at nights. :)

I know it's hard to find the time/money but I think the rewards are worth it. I am more accepting of myself and others and that, my friend, is awesome possum. :)

Anne-Kathrine said...

I think most of us are stronger on the outside than the inside. Most of the time I choose not to worry about it lol. Then again I have a very optimistic outlook on life (just ask my sis who wants to slap me sometimes for it LOL) Hugs!

Reb said...

Everyone feels that way sometimes. Sometimes I feel that way for months...heck, when I was in nursing school I felt I was the biggest fraud in the class and wondered what wonderful person didn't get in because I did. Who's place did it take that would have been an outstanding nurse? Know what? I found out that most of my classmates felt the same :) I've now been a nurse for 28 (GASP!) years, and I'm a darn good one! You are strong, you are weak, you are a success, you are a failure. You are a wonderfully complex woman and that's the best kind. Heck, at least you are self aware enough to question yourself-some never get that far :) Give yourself a break and realize that you are just another human, frailties and all :)
Reb

M said...

I love you. I'm sorry you're struggling with these feelings. You have always been far too hard on yourself as long as I've known you.

But know what? I know most of the mess you are on the inside (I dare not pretend I know it all) and I still? Think you are crazy straong and amazing.

Strength isn't from being perfect inside and out it's about putting one foot in front of the other. Sometimes it's about putting on the strong front while inside crumbling into shreds.

I love you. And I understand and get it.

But you and failure do not go in the same sentence. Unless it's failing at bad hair because you fail that every day. Unlike some of us like me. ;) xoxo

SJ said...

I get this...people always tell me that I'm so strong, but literally, on the inside, I'm not.

Hang in there....