Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Then and Now.

-I used to think the glass ceiling no longer existed. That if I worked really, really hard my lack of a penis would not impede me in my life goals.

Now I think: BWAHAHAHAHAHAAH!

-I used to think that no matter what happened in this world, your family always has your back.

Now I think: Not necessarily. And sometimes? Your family can be the ones who put the knives there.

-I used to think that Bob and Jillian were totally right. It's just calories in/calories out. It's not that hard. It's not rocket science. It's totally going to work.

Now I think: Bob and Jillian can bite the fattest part of my considerable arse. Also? Pretty sure Bob has never had a period and it's associated bloating.

-I used to think every time I made a mistake it was the worst possible mistake I could have made.

Now I think: Oh. Sister. You haven't even started messing stuff up yet.

-I used to think that my destiny was something very quiet. A support role, where I could be good but not necessarily anyone's definition of success. That I could never make enough money to support myself and my family and I could never, ever do things like write books and speak in front of large groups of people.

Now I think: Good thing I never listen to anyone...especially myself.

-I used to think it was not humanly possible for my children to be any funnier.

Now I think: My son used the words "butt pipe" conversationally last night. Touche.

8 comments:

Jenski said...

Oh, the wisdom that comes with time. Thank goodness you were wrong about your childrens' funniness in light of other points like the glass ceiling.

M said...

<3 I'm glad you don't listen to yourself either. And that you do listen to Mr Butt Pipe. And that you also now know that family isn't always those related by blood. Love you sister. <3

Soliloquy said...

If you could work on being a little more honest, that would be great.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Carol said...

Butt pipe, that's a new one for me, but I like it!

Sheila Deeth said...

I used to have some of those thoughts too, back in the day.

Ms. Marsha said...

Hilarious! I so identify! Not to get too serious, I am thrilled for you to have learned those lessons at your age rather than when you're in your 40's. (like me) Count yourself lucky!

Now, go take Butt Pipe and sister out for some ice cream, screw Jillian AND her little Bob TOO!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Ain't personal growth grand? :)

Dawn~a~Bon said...

I need a "like" button for this!