Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Proof my children are trying to kill me

Girl Child: Mom? Wouldn't it be weird if no one had any eyebrows?

Me: Excuse me?

GC: You know. What if God gave no one any eyebrows...wouldn't that be weird?

Me: Um. Maybe not. Because if no one had any then I guess we wouldn't miss them.

GC: True. Hey mom?

Me: Yes?

GC: My teacher wants me to enter this writing contest. He said I'm the best writer in the class.

Me: Oh that's awesome Girl Child! What's the contest about?

GC: Um...I don't know. Martin Luther King, Jr. I think.

Me: Okay.

GC: Here's the paper he gave me about it.

Me, reading quickly: Um...honey? This writing contest is called Being Black in America.

GC, smiling: Okay...

Me: Sweetie, has your teacher ever SEEN you?

GC, laughing: He's my homeroom teacher mom!

Me: But honey...you're so white you're pretty much translucent.

GC: Okay...

Me: Did he hear about Justin Timberlake getting nominated for an NAACP Image Award and think to himself, "Hey! I wanna get in on that shiz!"?

GC: Mom. I don't know what you're talking about. Excuse me please.

GC exits. Enter Boy Child.

BC: Mom? What do you think God thinks about killing people when you're in a war and you're an Army guy and you have to kill somebody before they kill you?

Me, blinking rapidly: Good Lord son, what a question!

BC, completely unfazed: But you know, what do you think? Is he mad or is he cool with it because, hey. They're gonna kill you.

Me: Son. I have no idea what God thinks.

BC: Oh okay. Hey! Can you make broccoli for dinner?

Me: Sure.

BC: SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET. Hey Girl Child! Mom's making broccoli for dinner!

GC, from her room: SWEET!

Someone. Hold me.


Bexterrific said...

I heart them. For reals.

Ms. Maggie said...

Good heavens! Better you than me, that's all I have to say. Best of luck with that.

Anonymous said...

All of a sudden I am hearing Dana Carvey singing "Chopping broccoli".....

Danielle said...

LOL! I wish my kids got excited about broccoli!! :)

Jenski said...

I just laughed out loud.

elizabeth said...

I love that they love broccoli! And, um, I'm a pacifist, so I think it's cool they're asking those questions too. Tough ones, though, right?!?