Monday, November 30, 2009

Mommy Wars: Episode Hinty Billion

I have a shocking, shameful confession.

I love to work.

I FRICKIN' LOVE to work.

I adore my children. They are the light of my life, the sun and the moon (once? When they were about three? I was explaining to the Boy Child that he was my SON and before I could say to Girl Child "and you are my DAUGHTER" Girl Child said, "Yes! And I am your moon!" But honestly? She's usually pretty darn sunny), all that crap.

But I still love to work. In case it's not obvious by the fact that I work pretty much most every second that I'm awake.

I'm getting really tired of explaining/justifying that to people.

Like yesterday, for example? Someone asked me, again, to come participate in some activity at 10am on a Tuesday morning and I explained, again, that I was unable to participate because I had to work and this person, and I'm not kidding about this, GASPED and then said, "You work?!?!" in the same tone in which most people would say, "YOU HAVE GONORRHEA AND WE JUST SLEPT TOGETHER?" Or you know, whatever.

And then? When I politely explained that, yes, I do work she then and again, not kidding about this, PATTED MY HAND and said, "That's so nice for you that you want to help your husband out."

I darn near lost it. I really did. The only, only thing stopping me was that it was the Lord's day and I think He would disapprove if I popped a cap in someone's ass. Even if they TOTALLY DESERVED IT.

I didn't say anything, though. I actually just kind of wandered away.

Because what do you say to that? Honestly?

A lot of people I know are stay-at-home mom's. That's cool. I'm not. That's cool too. Being a working mom is not some kind of disease. It's really not. Neither is being a stay-at-home mom. It's a CHOICE. And the whole freaking point of fighting for equality and all that crap is that we're supposed to respect each other's CHOICE. Right?


Maybe if you don't know people you may not want to comment on their personal financial situation. Because, um, I don't just "help" my husband out. If you want to look at it THAT way? He "helps" me out. But we don't look at it that way. We work. We both work. Right now, I do better. Maybe next year, he will. Who knows? If I do better, we all do better. If he does better, we all do better. It really doesn't matter at the end of the day.

I don't know why this is bothering me so. Projecting? Probably.


Rebecca said...

I love this post, because even though my kids are grown I was a working Mom when they were young and in school. It was my choice. I was not exactly domestic-goddess material. Even though I love my children completely, I was bored staying home. I remember having to defend my choice though. Quite a few times. And sometimes, even though I knew I made the right choice for me, I had those twinges of guilt. That, you know, some Mom's made these elaborate, handcrafted Halloween costumes, or sent baked from scratch goodies to school parties, etc. Oh well, I think we all ended up turning out ok, even if my kids did have to eat things baked at the grocery store occasionally.

velocibadgergirl said...

Gah. GAHHHHH. Some day soon I suspect we will commiserate over this exact thing, since I will be a working mom, too.

I don't get what it is about motherhood that makes pretty much total strangers think that they get to offer commentary on a woman's life. It's pretty ridiculous.

AndreAnna said...

You are better than me.

I would have told her that I also have bigger balls than my husband and he helps me carry them in my purse.

Unknown said...

Good grief, where are these people from, 1955? I'm sorry you had to deal with that kind of crap. I am just stunned people still think that way. I don't know many mothers who don't work any more.

I love that you have this blog because you are so good at letting it all out here!

Ginny said...

In-freaking-credible timing.

I start work tomorrow, for the first time in 4 years. I feel pretty damn good about it, too. But I feel even better after having read this post. Thanks, Stephanie.

Dawn~a~Bon said...

OMG HAH! How sweet of you to help your husband out! It's cute that you have a little jobby-job! Do they let you have your own desk or do they save all those for the men-folk?

SJINCO said...

What era did this person live in exactly? How annoying!

Tamar said...

'It's cute that you have a little jobby-job!' Dawn, I heart you.

I'm a SAHM, and most days, I'm bored to my eyeteeth and longing for a job where my boss doesn't scream at me while I'm trying to use the bathroom. But hey, childcare would cost more than I could earn. (Maybe I should cheer myself up by sneering at some working mothers for a bit.)

Kathy said...

I'm a much better mother working outside the home than I would ever be staying home. I love being a mom but I also love being Kathy too.

You a much stronger person than me because I would have so "popped a cap in her ass"...which by the way is my new favorite phrase ;-)

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Great post, hon! You are so right. It's like me. I'm not cut out for the 9 to 5, it would drive me nucking futs. I'm a homebody and SAHM-hood is perfect for me.

Just bust a cap in her anyway. I'm sure the Lord wouldn't mind. We could call it "thinning the herd." :)

insomniac ellen said...

I dealt with that crap for years--back in the early 80s when my kids were young. I worked weekends and my hubby would take the kids to the [wait for it] Jersey Shore [the classy part]. People were so judgemental. It was none of their frickin business--as long as we were cool with it. Just walk away--and imagine popping a cap in their ass. LOL.

Christina Berry said...

You are awesome, and this is an awesome post! Thanks for defending us working moms! Although I realize, that probably wasn't your purpose. But you made a great point, and I appreciate it!

Karen Cupcake said...

In my old neighborhood in 1993 when we moved in the women all gasped in horror when I said " I have to work".... then when My husband made enough finally for me to stay home in 1995, i opened up my own business and STILL worked.. and then just before we moved in 1999, 3 of those witches got divorced and *Gasp* had to GO TO WORK! bwhahahahah!

But now the thing that really gets me is that I own the business, my *new* husband does not have a job, and whenever we file for things THEY ALWAYS PUT HIM FIRST as if he is the breadwinner... mortgages, bank loans.. ect... WTH!!!!!!!!!!
HE IS UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE! yes.. I make enough so that he doesnt have to, and he does bring income in with storage unit auctions.. but IM THE Freaking Breadwinner here!!! It makes me CRAZY! aaarrgh!

:O) anyhow... loved your post, and appreciate the moment to vent! heheheh!


I keep forgetting you live in the south in a small town where people can live on one income...

When people here don't work it's not because they are "stay at home moms" but because they have gotten laid off and they are on unemployment and they are desperately searching for a job. I don't even think I know one single stay at home mom.