Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Things that Jason will never, ever, as long as he lives, understand. By Stephanie Age 34

-Why I do not feel the compulsive need to do laundry.
So I've done this "green" thing for a while. My company pays me cash money to write a blog about being green and I think it's important to, you know, actually TRY to do the things I talk about. I'm not ever going to be Ed Begley Jr. or whatever, but I could really do a little better.

I have often said that if I ever became financially well-to-do the very first thing I would do would be to purchase, for Jason, his very own washer and dryer. Because I swear to Fred Thompson, I think 87% of the issues we have are regarding laundry. Okay, not really. But it's still very annoying.

He cannot and I mean CAN.NOT. stand for there to be anything to wash in the house and the washer sit empty. It makes him mental. The fact that it makes him mental, in turn, makes ME mental.

The following a conversation that occurs in my home nearly every single week. I'm not kidding.

Jason: The washer and dryer are free.
Me: Okay.

Two minutes later.

Jason: Didn't you want to start some laundry?
Me: Not particularly.

Two minutes later.

Jason: Did I tell you the washer and dryer are free?
Me: Yes you did.
Jason: I couldn't remember if I did.
Me: Well, you did.
Jason: Don't you want to start some laundry?
Me: No, Jason, actually? I got up at 4:30am, drove 30 minutes to get to work, dealt with crazy people for eight hours, drove another thirty minutes back to the school to pick up the children, did homework, the gym and Tae Kwon Do, dinner and dishes then logged BACK into my computer to do more work and frankly? I'd like to sit my fat ass here for two seconds DOING NOTHING.

Two minutes later.

Jason: Are you mad at me?
Me: STAB! STAB! STAB!

Just kidding about the last part. But the entire conversation makes me VERY STABBY.

As long as I have clean clothing for one week and both my children have clean clothing for one week, I do not feel the compulsive need to wash things. I just don't. I don't want to wash clothes every day. My washing machine uses gallons and gallons of water. It's not necessary to have every single item of clothing that you own clean at the same time. Frankly, I don't have that many hangers.

-Not everyone likes math
Math, in my opinion, can suck a bag of dicks. I do not do algebra in my day-to-day life. I rarely even add. If I do have to add anything, I grab a calculator. I'm not going to lie.

I cannot do math in my head. Extremely simple stuff, maybe. It's questionable. It's not a priority. I understand money and what money means because that's tangible to me. I could give two craps how long it will take Jose to get to the train station if he meets Eloise at a trapezoid. Or whatever.

I will never like math. No matter what you say to me. Math will not be my BFF.


-The children are not five.
As loathe as I am to admit this? They are growing up. They will be TWELVE in two months. TWELVE YEARS OLD. Practically teenagers! Moody and zit-laden.

Therefore when punishment needs to be enforced? Standing in the corner isn't going to cut it. What's next? They can't watch Dora the Explorer? The tragedy!


-How, really, I want what's best for him all the time

I wish I was a better wife. I wish I was a better human being. And, more than anything, I want him to be happy and reach his potential.

That I know how very hard he tries.

10 comments:

MadameQueen said...

"I could give two craps how long it will take Jose to get to the train station if he meets Eloise at a trapezoid. Or whatever." -- Girl, you just took the words right out of my mouth.

And, um, Jason, please don't hate me, but I'm going to ask you what my mom used to ask me -- Are your arms broken? If not, then I'm pretty sure YOU could load some laundry if it bugs you that much that the washer and dryer are free. Unless you've been banned from doing laundry like my husband has (which I'm still convinced was his plan all along!) :)

Stephanie Snowe said...

Oh no, he does laundry ALL THE TIME. That's the thing. He LOVES doing laundry. He wants ME to love it as much as he does. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

Sharon said...

I'm surprised Jason didn't ask you to strip naked and wash the clothes you had on! Oops, maybe next time he will...

Angie said...

If he loves to do laundry then you NEVER have to do the laundry again. Ever. That's a sweet deal.

Paige said...

A bag of dicks you say? a WHOLE bag?

That is the funniest thing I have heard all day!

Kathy said...

I do not have a compulsive need to do laundry either. A week's worth of clothes is fine. And, when I do complete ALL the laundry, there is truly not enough room in the dressers and closets. Yes, we have too many clothes, but since I hate laundry it works for me.

Heather {Desperately Seeking Sanity} said...

I actually sent this to the boy so that he can see that it's not just us.

I want to do the laundry because he has not grasped the concept that not everything can go in the dryer. But I don't do laundry fast enough so he gets to it before I do.

This has been HUGE for us... but we're working thru it. I have my own hamper now and what it boils down to.

However, I have to say this... thank GOD for men who don't mind doing laundry. For that? Something I've never had before.

I am Trish Marie said...

Well, I think it is important to know if Jose is in a hurry to see Eloise. Or if perhaps, Eloise was held up at home before beginning her tapeziodial journey because she suddenly discovered the washer was free.

Wenderina said...

In my house, the question is not is there a week's worth of clean clothes it's, "Ok, clean underpants for tomorrow? Yes - ok. No? well can you dig out some that aren't too disgusting?" Just kidding on the No part...but we've come close.

His Girl not anymore said...

Jason would die at my house. I tend to leave the laundry for Sunday night. All 8 loads of it. If I don't get to it, it lives on the floor by the laundry closet until somebody starts crying that they don't have any jeans for tomorrow. I have blankets in the hamper from 2 months ago.